Many men (and their partners) are interested in learning about techniques to improve men’s ejaculatory control. Although these techniques are often used in sex therapy for men who experience premature ejaculation (sometimes called “rapid” or “involuntary” ejaculation), any man can make use of these techniques.
Before a man practices either technique, it is important for him to learn to identify his “point of no return” (what sex researchers and therapists sometimes call “the point of ejaculatory inevitability”), meaning the point at which he will ejaculate no matter what happens. This is one way in which men and women differ sexually. Even if women feel very aroused and about to have an orgasm, any number of things (e.g., what to make for dinner, a work deadline) may enter a woman’s mind, distract her, and prevent her from having an orgasm. While this can happen to men early in the process as well, there comes a time (that “point of no return”) when a man will ejaculate no matter what happens. There is simply no stopping it, and seconds later, he will ejaculate. Men who wish to use these techniques to improve their ejaculatory control must learn to identify when they are approaching this “point of no return”.
Two common techniques to improve men’s ejaculatory are the Stop-Start Technique and the Squeeze Technique. Both are typically practiced by a man alone during masturbation, although he can transfer his skills to partnered sexual activities after first practicing them alone. Here is how they work:
- Stop-Start Technique. During masturbation, a man can practice stimulating his penis with his hand until he feels that he is approaching the point of no return. Just before this point, he should STOP all stimulation (e.g., stop touching his penis), allow his arousal to decrease somewhat (not all the way), and then START stimulation again. When he feels he is once again approaching the point of no return, he should stop stimulation once again and continue to repeat this cycle several times, if possible. When first practicing, many men mis-judge the point of no return and, consequently, they ejaculate without meaning to. This is okay; that is why practice can help! Eventually it should become easier to delay ejaculation.
- Squeeze Technique. This starts out similar to the previous technique in that a man begins by stimulating his penis during masturbation. Just before the point of no return, he should stop stimulating his penis and instead gently squeeze the head (glans) of his penis such that his arousal decreases somewhat. Then he begins stimulation again and repeats the cycle several times, if possible.
Both of these techniques can be used alone during self-masturbation or together with a partner. Some men and women find that the Stop-Start technique is more easily incorporated into partner sex. Specifically, men find that – during sex with a partner – as they approach the point of no return, they can withdraw their penis from their partner’s vagina, mouth or anus (thereby stopping all stimulation), allow their arousal to decrease slightly, and then resume partner sex.
For more information about these and other strategies for increasing ejaculatory control, consider reading Coping with Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex by Dr. Michael Metz and Dr. Barry McCarthy.